Did you know that every marriage struggles with communication?

But did you also know the couples that were unclear of their roles in marriage fought the most?

Knowing your role is vitally important. You can lose a job for not knowing your role in the company. Think of your physician. It’s clear who is the doctor and who is the patient, right? But why is it so unclear when it comes to the role of a husband and the role of a wife in marriage?

A big help for married couples is to learn what the Bible has to say about each of their roles in the home. Below lists some main points to highlight the role of the husband and the wife according to the Bible.

The Biblical Role of a Husband

It’s funny how men can rattle off different model guns; throw down ridiculous stats; and break down the specifics of their job. But when it comes to explaining their role as a husband…nothing but crickets.

All the studies show that most men spend very little time studying the Scriptures, staying accountable, serving in the local church, and remaining under godly mentorship. And we wonder why men are clueless as to what their role looks like in marriage.

Here are five biblical pointers that will help redirect husbands back to loving and leading their wives God’s way.

  1. A husband needs to grow in Christ (2 Pet. 1:3-11) – The Bible teaches to continue to grow in Christ, so that “He will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him” (Eph. 3:17, NLT). The strength of the husband comes from the strength he receives from growing in the love of God (Ex. 34:6; Deut. 30:6; Neh. 9:32)! If a man isn’t growing in his faith, then he is incapable of building up the faith of his wife and family.
  2. A husband needs to love his wife (Eph. 5:25-33) – The Bible teaches “husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5:25). The word “love” used here is “agape,” referring to the love of God (1 Jn. 4:8), and the love He showed on Calvary (Jn. 3:16). This is the same love the Holy Spirit pours out on us (Gal. 5:22).
  3. A husband is not to be bitter with his wife (Col. 3:18) – Paul reminds husbands “not to be bitter” towards his wife (Col. 3:18). A husband who loves his wife forgives his wife. Elsewhere, Peter commands husbands to “dwell with his wife in understanding” and to “give honor to her” (1 Pet. 3:7). Once again, it’s the responsibility of the husband to keep the lines of communication open and to always make sure he honors his wife (no matter what!).
  4. A husband is to teach his wife the Word of God (Eph. 5:26) – Paul writes that husbands are to “sanctify,” “cleanse,” and “wash” their wives in the Word of God. That is to mean, a husband’s primary responsibility is to present his wife holy before God (Eph. 5:27). The husband is to be
  5. A husband is to lead, protect, and provide for his wife (1 Cor. 11:3) – The Lord has placed the husband as the head of the home (1 Cor. 11:3). Thus, within this leadership, the husband has the primary role of providing for his family (1 Tim. 5:8), teaching and instructing his children (Eph. 6:4), and setting an example for his wife and children to follow (1 Cor. 4:15; 2 Tim. 2:2).

The Biblical Role of a Wife

A wife is to be godly before her husband (1 Tim. 2:10) – The first role of a wife is to put Christ first in her marriage. Nothing is to come in-between her and her relationship with her Savior. The Bible teaches women are to be: “self-controlled” (1 Tim. 2:9, 15), “godly” (1 Tim. 2:10), “holy” (1 Tim. 2:15), “submissive” (Eph. 5:21, 22; Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1), “reverent” (Tit. 2:3), and “pure” (Tit. 2:5). This is a call to be like their Savior. That is why when wives submit to their husbands, it is a reflection of their submission and holiness unto Christ.

A wife is to respect her husband (Eph. 5:22-24, 33) – The wife is to make it her aim to “submit” to her husband’s leadership in the home. This is not to say that she is of second-rate status (Gal. 3:28; Eph. 5:21). The word “submit” (Gk, hupotasso), means “to line up under.” Literally, the wife is to take her position under the shelter and headship of her husband. But it also carries the idea (military term) of the wife fulfilling the role as a senior advisor in the home as she loves her husband (Tit. 2:4), remains faithful in marriage (Rom. 7:2, 3), and takes care of the children (Pro. 31:26-29). The submissive conduct of a godly wife is an extremely powerful testimony because it pleases the Lord (1 Pet. 3:4, 5), influences her husband (1 Pet. 3:1, 2), teaches and presents the truth (Tit. 2:3, 5), trains younger women (Tit. 2:4), and completes good works (1 Tim. 2:10). Thus, the family is the primary place for wives to live out their submission to God as wife and mother (Col. 3:18).

A wife is to be a helpmate to her husband (Gen. 2:18) – You’ve heard the saying, “Dogs are man’s best friend.” But according to Genesis 2:18, a man’s best friend is really his wife. She is his “helpmate.” This term, “helpmate,” is only used elsewhere when referring to God as our help. Now that’s some powerful help coming from the wife! Her role is to make her husband the best man of God he possibly can be.

A wife is to love her husband (Tit. 2:4) – Paul writes, “Wives love your husbands” (Tit. 2:4). This love that is mentioned has to do with “unconditional acceptance.” Far too often, wives gripe and complain about their husbands, rather than love them for who they are. A wife is not to view her husband as a project. She is to view him as the love of her life. When a husband is loved and respected by his wife, he feels he can do anything! But when he is not loved, he remains defeated.